Living Life Family Style

It seems crazy to me that I have a baby, life is moving forward, and I haven't been blogging to document all the things that happen.  Of course living life "family style" is exactly the reason I DON'T have time, but I need to MAKE the time.  It's too important.

So forgive my laziness, my lack of keeping up, and know that consistency is a goal I aim for (though I forgive myself in advance for any lapses that are likely to happen).

I wish I could say the challenges of 2013 were dead and gone, but I can't say that.  There IS one major difference, however. 

Shit is still hard, but we are staying focused on what we want to see rather than what is.

That may sound a little weird or airy fairy, but we (my lover who likes to remain nameless) and I both understand and live by the principles of the Law of Attraction.  So rather than spell out all the challenges that happen, we prefer to focus on the outcomes we desire. 

In real time that means we look forward to having a working car, more than enough money to satisfy all of our financial obligations, and to attend to our dental and medical needs pronto.

Living life "family style" was certainly a rocky transition for me.  Going from the single, do-whatever-I-want-whenever-I-want lifestyle to being a step-parent, almost-wife, having a baby, living in stretch pants and pajama shirts with financial ruin made me feel like a big blob of gross.

It took a while....like almost a YEAR to regain my brain power after having a baby.  Is this what its like?  You get stupid for a year, become a food machine, and daydream about the clothes that used to fit?  Oh man.... this is not the romantic concept of having a baby I'd imagined! 

I'm not going to say those challenges don't come up....but I confidently say that my brain has been re-booted, the weight is starting to come off, I'm feeling a little more human, and family life is becoming more fun.  It's hard not to be over the moon when a 1 year old smiles at you with all the love and admiration and sunshine you can ever imagine. 

As long as I get a few quite moments to myself every day, my sanity stays intact.  Going to work, running errands by myself....these are all a saving grace!

My baby girl is getting smarter and bigger every day. She says "banana" and "mmmmmoooooooorrrree", and can sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  She's sassy but sweet, loves dancing and snuggling, and blows me kisses when I leave for work. 

It may sound generic to a non-parent.  I know I would think so if I was reading this.  But when this is a little person you watched as a non-moving, lays-there-like-a-slug day in and day out for months, these little milestones are huge.  And the sad thing is they are so fleeting. 

I do my best every day to enjoy what she is and can do right now, because I know in as short as a few weeks from this moment, this accomplishment will be old news...she'll have new accomplishments to be excited about, and before I know it, she'll be big. 

I'm not sure I can take it.  Please stay little baby girl. Please?

It still trips me out that I'm a mama.  Being from Utah, I assumed I would have been married by 23, have three kids by age 30, and have far more financial success by this age. 

I guess one thing I've learned from life is it pretty much NEVER turns out the way you expect.  So knowing that, why spend so much time in our heads thinking about the future?  It never happens like that anyway.  haha  Being in the moment is a much better payoff.

2013...the Year of Miracles

I realized recently that I hadn't updated my blog in ages. It was both intentional and unintentional.

This year has been the best...and the worst EVER.  In my entire LIFE.

Most of this year has been one enormous struggle after another, and was consumed by financial struggle beginning to end.  It's been uncomfortable, painful, and has created many sleepless nights.

As hard as it's been, however, I can also tell you 2013 has been the Year of Miracles. 

We have been rescued by friends, family members, and resources have shown up in the most random ways. We have witnessed miracle after miracle, have seen charity in action, and have been blessed beyond measure. 

There were days when I realized we had $4 to our name (with a family of four, an empty fridge and no gas in the car)....but we didn't panic because a check from a loving relative showed up to get us through another day.

Yeah, it's been that kind of a year.

But like I said....even more than the struggling and pain of what we have been going through, we have been blessed beyond measure! 

The biggest blessing of all this year was getting to spend so much precious time with my new baby girl Zara.  Zara was born on New Year's Eve, and every day is a joy to spend with her. Now that she's days away from being 1 year old, her personality is really shining through and she's absolutely hilarious!

She's gentle yet powerful, an old soul, and has a Yoda-like look in her eye that tells you she just "knows" things.  She speaks with conviction, punctuation, and expression and has done so since she was 10 months old. Some of her gibberish is morphing into real words now, too.  Words like "bye bye" and "banana". 

She's an escape artist, getting past any barricade you create to go up the stairs, she could dance before she could walk, and she LOVES Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  Her smile and laugh lights up my soul, and no level of despair could compete with such joyful moments. 

She's kind of amazing.

Most of the time, being wrapped up in all-things-baby has buffered me from the raw-ness of everything else. There have been meltdowns, breakdowns, and all-out brawls....but in the end, we still have a roof over our head, food to eat, lights are on, and we're still sticking together through it all.

I feel like this year truly tested me, and helped me see where I am strong and where I need to grow. 

 

I can now see how I play it safe and where I need to step up and own the potential God gave to me.  I'm ready to let go of the struggle and embrace the unknown as I follow my dreams. 

 

Just as I got to experience the Year of Miracles in 2013, I hope 2014 becomes the Year of Living My Dreams and Enjoying Outrageous Success and Prosperity! 

 

Stay tuned...

 

Life Couldn't Be More Different

It's been 2 years since the last time I blogged, and life couldn't be more different.

Since the last entry, I have moved three times, moved in with my lover Z and his kiddo, struggled the course as an almost-stepmom, and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  Friends have come and gone, my spirit has been stretched, and now I have plenty of "baby weight" to get rid of.  Life has been tremendously hard, yet I am given the gift of seeing miracles happen on a regular, dare-I-say DAILY basis. Despite the challenges, I feel incredibly blessed!

Z and I have been on a path of growth and we have been blessed with two HUGELY misunderstood phenomenons.  1) Seeing the Law of Attraction working in our lives and 2) An incredible MLM or multi-level marketing/ network marketing opportunity is front and center in our lives. 

Here's the reality.

1) My life operates full force on the Law of Attraction.  That's how I met Z in the first place!  Why have I attracted such hard times, financial turmoil, and a mouthy pre-teen into my life these last few months?  I have no idea.  But I did....and I understand that's growth I must sustain.  Besides....it gives me one helluvah story when it all shifts into abundance!

2) There is no other industry so misunderstood and yet so powerful as network marketing!  Hands down.  What else is going to bring you products to benefit your life, give you more time to spend with people you love, and give you the gift of EXTREME financial abundance?  You can be a high school dropout, parolee, or complete bum and STILL be successful in MLM.  I guarantee 90% of you who ask if it's a pyramid scheme have no real idea what that means.  The oldschool way of going to college to get a job for a secure future is quickly becoming obsolete.  Why go into massive debt to learn something that may not serve you; to work a job and make someone else rich while you just "get by"; retire in 50 years and THEN decide to live your life, take vacations (if you can afford to), etc.  Inflation will eventually burst your bubble.

Why not work your butt off for 2-5 years, and then kick back and enjoy your life!?  How 'bout them apples?

Frankly I'm not employable anymore.  Network marketing is the ONLY option for this big-mouthed chica.

So when you see us taking vacations, rockin some sweet toys, living in a beautiful home...you won't even have to ask.  You'll say, "Network marketing?"  And I'll shout a thunderous and enthusiastic "YES!!"

See what we do, and join the ride!

My first ride a bust.

I haven't exactly been diligent in getting on my bicycle. I was jazzed about not having to work at all today, and decided it would be a great day to ride to the beach. It would be my first high-mileage adventure.

Then I woke up to the sound of rain.

My desire to turn over and go back to sleep eased my disappointment in the early morning hours, but once I was up and moving, I couldn't help but be bummed about my foiled plans.

I've also felt some frustration at having no training advice or support given so far. Next week I'm signed up for an online class that supposedly gives the 101 on bike riding. I'm relieved, because thus far, I feel lost. I know NOTHING about riding bikes, other than this childhood lesson:

Don't take your hand off the handle bars to wave to a neighbor when you're flying down a hill in a bikini. You will crash, get a black eye, half your face will be scraped off, along with mammoth sized scrapes down your ribcage and thighs. Your face will be swollen for a better part of a year, and your shiny, neosporined wounds will frighten folks of all ages.

Hopefully this childhood lesson won't come into play this time around.

Inevitably, I do believe a crash will happen. When? I don't know. How bad? Not sure. Will I be able to still give massages with sustained injuries? That is the golden question. Clearly I will have to learn to ride with clip on pedals. But clipping OUT of the pedals when I need to stop.... will I remember in time? Another golden question.

Regardless of this inevitable and looming crash, I'm waiting for the skies to clear so I can hop on my second-hand mountain bike and cruise the mean streets of Los Angeles. I've got the gel seat cover, I've got blinky, obnoxious lights so cars will see me, and my wonky, really-need-a-new-one helmet to keep me comfortable and safe.

Wish me luck. And just to be on the safe side, maybe ship me a case of neosporin.

AIDS RIDE....from San Francisco to Los Angeles

So everyone thinks I'm a little crazy. I have to agree. I'm not a hardcore cyclist...in fact, I'm not a cyclist at all. The closest I've ever come to being a cyclist is my 6am spin classes with Marcus a few times a week. I don't have the clothes, the fancy shoes....I don't even have a road bike.

But when I decide to do something, logic or knowing the odds against me don't always factor in.

So I'll be hitting the streets on my mountain bike, running shoes, and loads of sunblock so I can begin to convince myself I'm really going to do this. This ride raises money to make a difference in the lives of people living with AIDS/HIV. It will be me and a few hundred of my friends making the ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles June 5-11th.

It will take a week. Its 545 miles. I might need to get my head checked. But at the end of the day, I am hoping to contribute to something much bigger than myself. And in doing so, I get to be challenged, tested, and maybe I'll even grow a little.

As I embark on training for such madness, I ask for your support. Know that giving, even if you don't think you can, is an opportunity for you grow a little yourself. Please help me support the LA Gay & Lesbian Center, and the SF AIDS Foundation by giving what you can. Your support, whether it be financial or words of encouragement, creates healing. And for those living with AIDS/HIV, healing is exactly what is needed.

You can make donations by going to this site: http://www.tofighthiv.org/site/TR/AIDSLIFECYCLE10/AIDSLifeCycleCenter?px=2573801&pg=personal&fr_id=1330

I will post training updates, thoughts, and experiences I have as I train on my blog. I invite you to follow me on this journey, and share your thoughts and support along the way.