I haven't had a day off in over 4 weeks. I've spent countless hours driving, sitting, and driving some more. Just when I feel like I'm about to collapse, its time for me to bust out a half dozen massages. Stacks of unopened mail are forming columns on my kitchen table, and piles of laundry are strewn about the house. I'm exhausted....and apparently it shows. I was just told how tired and stressed I look by a man that used to find me attractive. Yeah..... that's exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks dude.
I committed to focusing on doing the things I love this year....and when I feel like this, I really have to ask myself 'where is the love in this'? What's the silver lining? So let me try to answer that....
1. I haven't been able to work out consistently in about 4 weeks and its been driving me insane. I've worked too hard to build these muscles up, lift my booty, and get to where I don't feel tortured by going to the gym. My 7 day work week has prevented me from getting to the gym and I feel like a blob. Silver lining?.... my thigh muscles have shrunk so my work pants are not bursting at the seams anymore. Yes, you read that correctly. I stopped working out and my pants fit better. Such cruel irony.
2. I've spent a few weeks working a bajillion hours a day learning sales and 'closing deals', spent HOURS and HOURS commuting to and from work, I've taped my mentors on a recording device and constantly study it, I practice in the mirror, I play Zig Ziglar cd's when I go to sleep at night to train my subconscious mind how to sell, I dream about sales, and I have YET to close a deal. Even with this absolute immersion, I still don't make a DIME until I close. And each day that goes by with no money coming in, I'm starting to explore the possibility of a career in the phone sex industry. Silver lining?......I'm getting the best sales training I could ever hope to find. The trainers are willing to work with me one on one to help me become successful. I have found a good outlet to exercise my male energy so when it comes to relationships I'll be very happy to be oh-so-feminine. AND....I have two deals pending that look like they might close....so I can daydream about a paycheck coming my way.
3. I don't have time to do ANYTHING. NOTHING. NADA! It's even difficult to eeek out 30 minutes to sprint through the grocery store. My house is wrecked, my plants are dying, people are getting mad that I don't call or don't have time to go see them, bills are late, and I still haven't filed my taxes. *sigh* Silver lining?.......I eat less, so I haven't gained 300 pounds from the lost workouts. My wrecked house inspires me to have a full-time housekeeper someday, and maybe, just maybe I'll get money back from taxes since I was a first time home buyer last year. Maybe?
4. I haven't had time to practice my choir music when I'm supposed to be off-book soon, and I've been sketchy at best when it comes to attending MMA (mixed martial arts). It bothers me that these two things I love are getting sacrificed in the madness. Silver lining?......If I suck and really don't know my music, I can sing quieter and follow the group, or drop out entirely....lip synch through the whole damn thing, and enjoy the phenomenal talent around me. Silver lining for MMA?.....I bruised my foot, my hand, and my calves were on fire the other day, so skipping a couple days allowed me to heal.
5. I have dealt with one too many lame-ass dudes who say one thing and do another. My feelings have been hurt, I feel disrespected....and I'm way too freakin cool and way too old to deal with this crap. If these dudes can't see whats right in front of their face, then thats too bad for them. I try not to take it personally, but I do. I've past my tolerance for hurt feelings and bullshit.....and this last episode officially destroyed my mojo. It's kind of depressing because I've always had double doses of mojo magic. Now I've got NADA. Call me Asexual Amanda. Silver lining?...........hm. Gimme a minute...........................................................................................................
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........ok. 100% of my focus can be on my money right now. Now my tolerance for bullshit is so low that I should be able to spot the losers and frauds waaaaaay before they weasle their way into my affection. Aaaaaaand I'm that much more clear on what I want and what I deserve.
So. To conclude......this chaos that is my life is oddly serving me, even if its in a sick and twisted way. I believe that what I'm doing will eventually lead down the road to success. From financial freedom to a bikini body, amazing choir performances to prince charming...... I believe this will all somehow be worth it in the end.