Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Living Life Family Style

It seems crazy to me that I have a baby, life is moving forward, and I haven't been blogging to document all the things that happen.  Of course living life "family style" is exactly the reason I DON'T have time, but I need to MAKE the time.  It's too important.

So forgive my laziness, my lack of keeping up, and know that consistency is a goal I aim for (though I forgive myself in advance for any lapses that are likely to happen).

I wish I could say the challenges of 2013 were dead and gone, but I can't say that.  There IS one major difference, however. 

Shit is still hard, but we are staying focused on what we want to see rather than what is.

That may sound a little weird or airy fairy, but we (my lover who likes to remain nameless) and I both understand and live by the principles of the Law of Attraction.  So rather than spell out all the challenges that happen, we prefer to focus on the outcomes we desire. 

In real time that means we look forward to having a working car, more than enough money to satisfy all of our financial obligations, and to attend to our dental and medical needs pronto.

Living life "family style" was certainly a rocky transition for me.  Going from the single, do-whatever-I-want-whenever-I-want lifestyle to being a step-parent, almost-wife, having a baby, living in stretch pants and pajama shirts with financial ruin made me feel like a big blob of gross.

It took a while....like almost a YEAR to regain my brain power after having a baby.  Is this what its like?  You get stupid for a year, become a food machine, and daydream about the clothes that used to fit?  Oh man.... this is not the romantic concept of having a baby I'd imagined! 

I'm not going to say those challenges don't come up....but I confidently say that my brain has been re-booted, the weight is starting to come off, I'm feeling a little more human, and family life is becoming more fun.  It's hard not to be over the moon when a 1 year old smiles at you with all the love and admiration and sunshine you can ever imagine. 

As long as I get a few quite moments to myself every day, my sanity stays intact.  Going to work, running errands by myself....these are all a saving grace!

My baby girl is getting smarter and bigger every day. She says "banana" and "mmmmmoooooooorrrree", and can sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  She's sassy but sweet, loves dancing and snuggling, and blows me kisses when I leave for work. 

It may sound generic to a non-parent.  I know I would think so if I was reading this.  But when this is a little person you watched as a non-moving, lays-there-like-a-slug day in and day out for months, these little milestones are huge.  And the sad thing is they are so fleeting. 

I do my best every day to enjoy what she is and can do right now, because I know in as short as a few weeks from this moment, this accomplishment will be old news...she'll have new accomplishments to be excited about, and before I know it, she'll be big. 

I'm not sure I can take it.  Please stay little baby girl. Please?

It still trips me out that I'm a mama.  Being from Utah, I assumed I would have been married by 23, have three kids by age 30, and have far more financial success by this age. 

I guess one thing I've learned from life is it pretty much NEVER turns out the way you expect.  So knowing that, why spend so much time in our heads thinking about the future?  It never happens like that anyway.  haha  Being in the moment is a much better payoff.